Hitting A Nerve

Have you heard the expression, “getting on my last nerve”? Or perhaps you’ve thought someone had too many “nerves” to hit? What exactly are these nerves? Why do we react in pain to some life touches, while others cause no observable effect?

I remember a time some years ago when I was living with my oldest son and his then fiancé due to financial necessity. I was trying very hard to lay low, help out a lot, and cause as little impact to their lives as possible. Washing the dishes was one chore I quickly assumed, along with laundry and housekeeping, and it felt good to contribute. One day, she remarked to me that in the future I should be more careful because the handles of the knives were still greasy after washing. Now here’s the strange thing – that conversation happened years ago and she and my son have since parted ways, yet I still find that I not only remember the event, I also still feel the sting. Why? 

Another memory comes to me, farther back in time. I was 13 on a Saturday afternoon and bored. I decided I would wash the family car. I suppose I’d never done the job before, but it seemed like a good idea - mom and dad would surely be happy with a clean car. 

It was a warm autumn day and the water felt cool on my toes as it spilled from the car onto the pavement. Just as I was beginning to rinse the car, my dad came out of the house and noticed what I was doing. He began to instruct me – I should be washing and then rinsing the car in sections. I wasn’t doing it right. I felt inwardly crushed; crushed and angry. Afterall, it wasn’t a chore I’d been assigned. I was doing the job out of kindness. 

Here and now I wonder why, out of all the information I’ve chosen to retain and access from my mind, do I think of these with such vivid recall. Neither of these occasions would seem traumatic. Who cares if the dishes or car were cleaned to perfection? But the sting remains, so I delve deeper. Aha I finally say. “You, my dear Miriam are a people pleaser, looking for validation from others. Clean dishes and cars aren’t your pride and joy, but knowing you live up to other’s expectations is very important and when it doesn’t pan out you whimper!” 

It’s embarrassing to face that I can be touchy, but maybe studying my “nerves” is a worthwhile exercise. Maybe, my “nerves” are there to teach me – to help me uncover facets of my character, one by one, that can be shaped with prayer and passion, assuming I have the courage to do so.